Am I a loser…?

Lc WPCheck the fridge… Sit and read half a page of a new book… Browse internet… Make another coffee… Browse… Start organising iTunes library again… Watch a TV show… Next episode… Browse… Think about going to the shop… Check the fridge…

What’s wrong with me?

My whole morning has passed by jumping from one meaningless task to another. Yesterday I had all these great plans of how I was going to use my day off and I literally don’t know what to do with myself – I’m wasting the day away; I’m 32 and not getting any younger; what have I accomplished so far? Am I a success yet (what is success)? What do I want to be when I grow up? Who’s Justin Beiber? Am I a loser…

I hope some of these questions sound familiar and that I’m not alone. I don’t think I’m a loser. Other people may have their opinions however I’m not too bothered with what they think. I’m more than happy sitting in my living room at 14:00, slippers on (they came free with the room at Turnberry Golf Resort in Scotland), t-shirt, old football shorts (could be getting on 15 years now), just pottering round the house from one thing to the next, wondering what I’d planned to do today and then dismissing everything over a cup of tea – two sugars and a choc-chip cookie – ahhhh…

I’m not a big fan of talking about myself but since this is my first post and I’m supposed to do the ‘about me’ thing then here goes…

My name is Liam. I’m from Sydney, Australia and have been living in Manchester, UK for the last 5-6 years. I left home around 7-8 years ago to travel South America – love that place – then met up with my brother in Amsterdam where we lived for a year or so. I’ve been back home twice in that time which isn’t a great amount and it’s safe to say that I miss Australia quite a bit. Manchester is cool, I’ve got some great friends and met my girlfriend here, but the weather is pretty sucky and people seem miserable – I sometimes wonder if I’ve become a bit of a miserable sod since living here… I left home a couple of years after Uni. Somehow I managed to complete a double degree (BA Arts & BA Business) at the Australian Catholic University. In Australia we don’t really have a 1st or 2:1 kind of system like the UK, they say P’s get degrees meaning it’s enough to simply attain passes and my transcript is no exception (except for an elective I took in Music Theory where I got my first and only distinction – I had a thing for my music lecturer which helped I guess). Uni was a blast and despite having to sit summer school twice (both times for Economics – my supply of study eventually met the course’s demand) it’s one of the things I’m most proud of accomplishing.

Recently I think I’m most proud of the semester which just went by. It was my second after enrolling in the Organizational Psychology postgraduate diploma and whilst it was a struggle getting back into study mode in first semester (another P) I feel like I’ve really found my feet. I don’t think I’ve ever applied myself as much as I did last semester and I’m hungry for the next to begin – I kinda think that’s why I’m sitting at home, procrastinating so much. I’m really enjoying the course so far and feel like I’m maturing as a student. I go to the library on my days off, listen to lectures as I’m on the train to work, get out of doing the dishes because I’ve got papers to read – bring on the next semester I say…!

I suppose there are a few reasons why I’ve decided to go back to Uni. I’ve worked hard at my job for the last 4 years at a retail store in Manchester. It was tough coming to England during the recession and my double degree didn’t help much when there weren’t any jobs, but I love working where I do and progressed into a management role last year – woohoo!! Since arriving at that milestone I began thinking about the next step and decided I wanted to marry some of the real-world management experience I was acquiring with some theory and landed on the Org Psych diploma. The fact of the matter is that I don’t want to work in retail for the rest of my life and figured education would help me springboard towards my next career move – I’m unsure what that is at the moment, but when I find out you’ll be the first to know… Another reason I wanted to study again was that, as you may have already gathered, I never really applied myself in the past. I could have done better at school. I could have got a second distinction. It sounds like I’m regretful of my educational efforts, maybe a small part of me is, but when I think about the decisions I’ve made and the paths I’ve taken and wonder what if… I quickly brush those thoughts aside. If I had have made a different decision at the time or taken an alternate path, I might not be where I am today, and I’m quite happy sitting here in my slippers…

Thanks for reading and I’m really looking forward to writing more posts in the near future. Have a great summer and good luck for the coming semester!!

Adios !!

Liam is studying the Organizational Psychology postgraduate diploma by distance learning with the University of London International Programmes. He lives in Manchester in the United Kingdom.

8 Responses to Am I a loser…?

  1. Terri says:

    Best wishes! There is noting like a good day off.

  2. sca says:

    Great to read your post! Good luck for the coming semester…

  3. Miki says:

    Nice intro Liam, I know all to well the feeling you get after an exam especially if you have exerted a lot of energy behind it! good read

  4. thakurhema says:

    Indeed, “Time enjoyed wasting is not wasted time at all”.. Great post, good luck!

  5. Mohsin says:

    Alone?? !! I have just read the first paragraph and I am already wide eyed and feel like jumping. THAT IS ME. I could have written every single word of that. I am 32, still in first year of distance BSc at LSE and I skipped three of the five exams I was supposed to take and I certainly flunked one of em! And I do think that I AM smart. Just terribly distracted. Anyway I am gonna read the rest of your essay. You just wrote a snapshot of the story of my life man!

  6. Shahbakhat says:

    I find this post really interesting 🙂

  7. Wow Liam! Its the journey not the destination. Your resilience impresses me.

  8. Danish Ali says:

    liam, we suffer more in our imagination then in reality 🙂 .

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