On the 18th I got my results. While I was very tempted to publish a post a few hours after having checked my results, in the end I decided to wait at least 24 hours to cool off and I am glad I did. My previous post felt a bit like I was bragging, and that was not my aim at all.
Well, here it goes: I have achieved my best grades up until now.
You cannot imagine how this feels to me: “Like victory”. Yes, sure, but it is a little bit more than that. At the beginning of the year I told you my studies had become a way to reconnect with myself. With a part of me getting blurred out by all the new feelings of maternity, my studies became the only thing that did not make me feel like a human pacifier or a teddy bear or just a plain old mattress to sleep on top of.
Have you seen the episode of ‘How I met Your Mother’ where Marshall is waiting to see if he passed the New York state bar exams? The conflict is that he lost his password and can’t log into the candidate portal, which means he was to wait even longer to see if he passed or not. The writers did a masterful job building suspense and tension. If you are waiting for exam results, you might feel the same way. Everything is on the line while you wait.
Sometimes waiting for results feels more stressful than taking exams, but no matter, all you can do is sit tight. I try to keep calm, but for the first few weeks that’s virtually impossible. Here is how I have learned to cope.
Having been so busy studying all the time, I was already in my third year when I discovered the University of London International Programmes Official Student Blog and decided to join the clan of student bloggers. My first post on the Official Student Blog was ‘Beginning of the End’ in September 2015, and here I am writing my farewell post, for it has been around eight months since I have outgrown the term ‘student’.
My journey as a student blogger has been wonderful and I recommend all students out there, no matter what year you are in, to give it a try. One gets to connect with other students of the University of London all around the world. Writing down what you are feeling not only makes you feel lighter but sharing your experiences with other students is a small way of helping each other out as well. Not only that, reading your peers’ blog posts makes you feel better about not being the only one going crazy around exam time, and helps you get through your time as a student. Sometimes, reading up on posts that are not related to studying can be refreshing and can give your mind a break from constant studying.
So that’s it. All done. A BSc in Politics and International Relations. When I saw my exam results this week my reactions were relief (because I felt a bit glass-half-empty after the exams in May), joy (at getting three results over 70%) and pride at the overall First Class Honours degree I was awarded.
I won’t use the cliche “journey” but lots of aspects of my life have changed since I started the degree. Unlike full-time students that get sucked into the bell-jar of academia and pupate into “real world” graduates four years later, those of us studying through the University of London International Programmes have to blend studies with our daily realities. My academic studies – like many other distance learning students – was squeezed around the changing fortunes of one-and-a-half jobs, family commitments and curveballs like house moves.
So my results for my third year are out. As usual, they aren’t to my expectations. Actually, they were never to my expectations. This only goes to show that University of London is very unpredictable. Either that, or my expectations for my own results just generally suck. Haha. Anyhow, good thing is I passed every single subject.
This means that I graduated from University of London International Programmes with a Second Class Uppers.
The fact that I graduated means a lot of me. It means that I have finished a hard race. Reached the finish line. It means that I survived and thrived in this course. Yes, I did it. I actually did it. We did it. We graduated! Our hard work paid off. A job well done!
My exam results were just released.
Oh boy, I have to admit that I was a nervous mess. The moment I woke up, I was very aware that it was my result day. It also didn’t help that I had a countdown on my phone stating that it was result day.
Even in the office, I had to keep reminding myself to keep breathing and to keep calm. I was both excited and nervous. I wanted to know but at the same time, I wasn’t sure I could handle it if the results weren’t good. Exam results is judgement day to me because it’s the day that we get to find out what our hard work for a year translates to in grades.
About two weeks ago, the results were released. Champagnes were popped, for those who were happy with what they achieved. Hairs were yanked from heads, for those who did not do well and wished they had put in more effort.
I am straddling the two. My feeling for my results, is something I still could not fathom at this moment. I would say that I did well enough to secure good passes, but not well enough to score distinctions. It gave a strange feeling that is worse than the lousy feeling I would feel, if I had failed the exams. I am aware that this daze, this inability to feel neither jubilant nor disappointed, could be potentially dangerous. Because gradually, from a state of daze I would soon be transformed into a languid mood. Needless to say, this would lead to my study plans for the new school term, being utterly jeopardised.
Examinations may be over for some students, and they are anxiously waiting for results. Waiting for exam result is no doubt one of the most nerve wracking chapters in a student’s life.
The reality is, while some students who sit for exams excel, other may not excel for the same exams. For those who made a pass, congratulations! For others who do not excel or who are worried they didn’t do well, relax! It’s doesn’t matter if you didn’t do well in an exam. What matters is “What’s Next?”
Over a month has passed since I finished taking my second year UoL exams. But this time was a bit different. I was not a BSc Accounting and Finance student anymore but a student of BSc International Relations. Not to drag this blog again into exams, I would say as minimum as possible regarding the exams. Admittedly, I could deliver as per my expectations and my preparations, though I don’t expect to achieve results to the best of my capability. Still, a notch above in performance compared to the previous year, and hopefully the results reflect it. This improvement may be attributed to me getting used to the environment of the UoL and the LSE. They have almost become my home and I need to fantasize hard to feel like an alien – which I used to feel on joining the International Programmes during my very first days.
My exams have ended.
There is a sense of relief that comes with that. A whole year’s worth of hard work and finally, it’s done. It’s over. I can finally rest now.
The exams ending feels like I have crossed the finishing line after running for so long. It feels good.
But at the same time, I can’t believe that it has come to an end. It feels like only yesterday that I started the school year. It only feels like yesterday when I started planning my studies and following that plan.